England Throughout the Ages
by TheElise-RoseDynasty
Summary: "Ah, there you are and just in time. What do mean who am I? I am Arthur Kirkland! Nation of Britain, Former Caretaker of America, Former pirate, former rocker, and seer of the supernatural." Warning rated M for cursing and one Yaoi scene that can be skipped at the beginning. CRB


Hetalia fanfic rated M for Yaoi and Iggy's foul mouth. Some yaoi scenes may get kinda rough but I won't make them go all the way ":( I know". I apologize if any words that the Brits use are replaced with American versions, but after all it's okay I'm an American! (So many hetalia references) ~CRB

Ah, there you are and just in time. What do mean who am I? I am Arthur Kirkland! Former Caretaker of America, Former pirate, former rocker, and seer of the supernatural. I know you must be confused, you hit your head pretty hard from that fall, I only hope you don't have amnesia... Never-mind all of this bollocks. Let me refresh your memory of who I am.

Iggy and His Pirate Days

"Fuck!" A loud British voice boomed throughout the deck as he tried to cut a rope with his sword, but instead had slashed his index finger.

"Why the bloody-hell are these tied up anyway!" He shouted while pointing his sword at a box of rum that the pirates had stolen from who knows where. once he had finally gotten it open he pulled out a bottle and each gruff and ragged pirate took a sip from the strong beverage. They laughed, hollered, and cheered as they got undeniably drunk from the seemingly endless rum that had been stolen.

"Now bitch."whispered a drunken England

" I will give you to the count of three to get the _fuck _off of this ship." He said pointing his sword at a poor captive girl on the pirate's ship. She was currently standing on "the plank" with her arms bound to her sides and a gag forced in her mouth.

"_One_" "_Two_" "_Three_"

The poor girl had been frozen in place from fear and now England had taken his sword and driven it through her stomach. Blood poured from her pelvis and the sword stuck from the other side. England swore he could have felt his sword crush and ruin bones inclosed by her flesh. He pushed the gore covered body in the water with his boot. The lifeless girl fell in vast oceans, turning the once green water to red as hungry fish gathered around the bloody mess.

" I did tell her..." he spoke softly

Just then an immensely drunk pirate grabbed England from behind and began to bite and attack his neck. England began to groan and looked back at the drunk-as-fuck man.

"You have guts. Spearing an innocent girl like that." He growled against England's neck.

"And that gets me off so damn well." He nearly purred while shoving England against a ship wall, shoving their chapped and bloodied lips together and immediately darting his tongue in England's mouth.

"Hnn, that and you're a drunk fuck-face with an endless sex drive. " England moaned between kisses.

"well you're quite a pervert yourself as well so..." The pirate said gesturing toward the bump England bestowed between his legs and the many pornos England had around.

"Whatever, fuck it!" England said as the ragged man shoved his hand in England's underwear.

"This is the life, the pirate life that is. England thought while relaxing, moaning, and gazing up at the full crystal-like moon.

Sex Beer, and Suicide-England's Rocker Days

A shaggy blond man stood alone pissing in a empty beer bottle. After he was done with such disgraceful actions, he worked up a big glob of spit and hawked it in the bottle. What did you expect from a former pirate?

"Life isn't fair flying mint bunny" he whispered to who didn't know him seemed like no one.

"Don't get down on yourself England!" the cute whimsical bunny chirped

"I can't fucking take it! Everything is shit and bollocks! I think I will just kill myself..."

"No England! Don't ever say that! Everything's not that bad. Believe me, you don't want to join the afterlife and give up on your people just yet!"

"You know England, I know you will get mad but France seems to help you when-"

"No flying mint bunny! NO! Fuck France, FUCK him." He screamed nearly in tears

After seeing the hurt look on mint bunny's face he immediately apologized

"I'm sorry... It's just, France does make me feel better but not in the ways you think..."

"Then in what ways England?"

"In... sexual ways." he mumbled while looking at the floor with shame looming in his green eyes.

"Aw England don't be ashamed, times are tough as it is so there's nothing wrong with it."

"Even still, It feels so wrong but it feels...right."

"Aw England, the dinosaurs have been saying that! It is so old. You know what your heart wants England."

" I know what I want. That's the problem." He spoke while spitting on the floor once again.

Flying mint bunny smiled "Give me a hug England! "

The depressed rocker laughed "Come here you!"

And so, all the confused people watched as the drunk maniac giggled and hugged absolutely nothing.

Brotherly Nation Love

"England, England."

"Ah, America what's wrong?" England asked while cradling the crying blond

"I had a bad dream." America started to sob in the against former pirate and buried his face deep into his bare chest.

"Aw hush, hush, America." He cooed softly

" Do you want to tell me about it?"

America nodded softly and began to speak

"Well, I had a dream that one day you got very mean and held me as a prisoner and you wouldn't set me free. And you wouldn't let me go and, and-"

"Hush America, don't you cry. You know I would never ever do that to you." He whispered to the baby

"Never, Ever?"

"Never, Ever, Ever, Never!" He said while tickling the infantile boy, causing them both to giggle and fall over.

"I love so much England!" Giggled America while kissing him on the cheek

"I love you too America."

And with that, both nations feel into a deep happy sleep.

And so you see I've lived a very long life with many different adventures. Don't you worry, you'll get your memory back soon. For now just dream, dream of all the possibilities and adventures you will come across in life. But no matter how much you do, no one has seen, learnt, heard, or lived as much as I, Arthur Kirkland Former Caretaker of America, Former pirate, former rocker, and seer of the supernatural.

AN- Finally I'm done! I'm doing this on my phone so my hand hurts so bad! In the punk rocker scene I based England off of me and Flying mint bunny off of Felicia (or CEK). I hoped u all liked England Throughout the Ages! Auf Wiedersehen. ~ CRB


End file.
